Court and Surprises!

Ok, well, surprise surprise, I am backed up on blogging! Looking back over everything, this blog is a great place to keep memories of our adventure in adopting, and I wanted to be sure to blog about Tuesday.

This week was always going to be crazy! It is my last week of work for my job, and I knew it was the point of no return in terms of going to get my last bits of paperwork done and finishing up at the office. Because my mom is here to help out this week, and she also wanted to spend some time with my sister, our driving schedules were starting to look like Grand Central Station. Should I take Leah and spend the night at Judy's on Sunday? And if so, would my mom then spend the night as well and come to my office to get Leah from me after work? Because I had to stay over at Judy's again Monday night so I could leave bright and early to pick up Tasha to go to court.

Finally, we decided to be bold and ask Tasha to spend the night with us on Monday. Now I know, I know many of you probably think that is the nuttiest thing you've ever heard. And if I had suspected I'd have this kind of relationship with my daughter's birthmother, I'd have thought I was totally out to lunch too! But we've just been extremely fortunate to have made this match and been able to have such a good relationship with Tasha. The three of us call it "The Match Made In Heaven". So I sent Tasha a text and asked if she would like to come spend the night with us and she said she would. So I spent Sunday night with Leah at Judy's, went to work with Leah who was the hit of the office, and then we drove to Glen Burnie to pick Tasha up and bring her back to Fredericksburg. Now even I admit this is probably a little bit past the 'normal' birth parent/adoptive parent relationship, but as the old saying goes, "What is normal anyway?!" It worked for us. My mom spent Monday cleaning the house and preparing for Tasha's arrival and we got back around 9:00. She loved the house, loved Leah's room, said TomTom was the biggest rabbit she ever saw in her life, and we all ate chocolate chip cookies and then tried to go to bed.

I say tried because Leah decided that Monday night was the best night ever to throw her first temper tantrum. And I am not kidding when I say this kid was SCREAMIN'! OMG. After about 45 minutes, I just couldn't do it any more. I had been up since 5:00am, it was now midnight, I'd been driving all over God's green Earth, I had NOT gotten my work done so I was facing another day in the office, it was NUTTY. So I told Michael to please go downstairs and get my mom. She came upstairs, blinking in the light, and I sobbed, "I think the Chinese tainted her formula with paint chips" and thrust Leah into my mom's arms. I was crying, Michael was crying, Leah was crying. My mother said, "There are no paint chips in her formula!" and I said, "Well then the aliens have come down and swapped babies because my baby has never acted like this before." After about an hour, Leah sort of settled down, but the minute I put her in her crib, bang, she was off crying again. So I was like, "Screw this, it's nearly 2am, and I'm exhausted" and I picked her up, put her in bed with us, and she went right to sleep.

I woke up four hours later so totally out of it that my first thought was, "Who put this baby in my bed?" When she is in a bad mood now, she has been affectionately dubbed "Paint Chip Baby".

So Tuesday morning we all get up, and by 10:00 we realize we need to start thinking about getting ready to leave for the court date. I am a planner, I admit, I like to have A PLAN in place, but my mom is an uber-planner and wanted to know everything we had planned for the day--who was going in which cars, what we would do afterwards, etc. I honestly couldn't get past arriving at the courthouse. I just couldn't. I really had no idea what to expect from the hearing, I didn't know who was meeting us there, we didn't know if Tasha's attorney would be coming, the whole 9 yards. So I couldn't be much help. My mom feels better in times of stress knowing exactly what's going to happen and having a firm grip on the situation. In times of stress, I just give up and let nature take its course. It was kind of entertaining.

I had determined that we needed to leave at 11:00 to go to the courthouse. My internal clock told me this would be the right time to leave, so by 11:00, after 3 wardrobe changes on my part (new dress required a slip which I didn't have, suit was way too big, third choice suit was too big but at least it stayed up), we headed out--my mom in her car, Tasha, Leah, Mike, and I in our car. We made it to the courthouse around 11:20 and got past the metal detectors by 11:30, but had no idea what to do after that. Tasha found a list on the wall of all the court cases for civil court, but we weren't listed. Finally, a sheriff took pity on us and told us that we needed to go to the juvenile court clerk to find out which courtroom we were going to go to, and it turned out we were going to the basement court room. We went to get on the elevator, only it's a trick elevator, when you try to go from the basement to the first floor, it automatically goes to the second floor. So we had to wait for it to come back down before we could get on to go to the basement (the stairwells are protected and you need a special badge to go up and down them).

We got the basement and there was an austere little waiting room down there--about 15 chairs arranged in a square. At least we knew that our case was for that day, because there was NOBODY down there--it was dead quiet and a completely uninspiring decor. I guess I pictured adoption court as being kind of warm and fuzzy. But as you can see from this picture, it was deadsville. Finally a couple of deputies came out and asked if we were there for the Baby Girl X case, and we said yes, and that put our minds at ease a bit, since they were expecting us. They admired Leah for a while and then disappeared and then Colleen, our attorney arrived. She introduced herself to Tasha and I introduced my mom and the next thing out of her mouth was, "We have a small glitch."

Well, I don't have to tell you, my heart sunk to my shoes, my mother about had a coronary, and for once in his life, Michael was struck speechless. It turns out that the guardian ad litem they had selected was not actually on the list of approved GALs for the county and would not be able to act on Leah's behalf that day. Colleen was halfway through explaining that we just had to get a new court order to do something when a voice behind her said, "You have a GAL and I'm it!" and our hero, Brenda, introduced herself as the pinch hitter. We all started breathing again. Colleen spent some time with Brenda explaining that Leah's father had never replied to the letters sent to his home and getting Mike, Tasha, and I to all sign a paper requesting that the courts grant the custody transfer. And then over the loudspeaker, we were called in to the court room, at which point Leah decided to start screaming. It was nearly impossible to hear what the hell was going on, and finally after a couple minutes of Colleen trying to talk over Leah's wailing, I told my mom, "Mom! Just feed her!" So Mom slapped a bottle in Leah's mouth, and she was happy as a little clam.

The next part was for Colleen to read over the legal agreements with Tasha. Tasha was sworn in and asked a bunch of questions, such as did she know she had alternatives to the adoption including keeping the child and raising her herself, did she want or had she been offered counseling, was she sure of who the birth father was, did she belong to any Native American tribes, was she being coerced into the adoption by anyone in any way, etc. Once she answered all their questions to her satisfaction, she was given the court documents and asked to read them and sign them. Then Colleen explained to her that she had two options for that day, she could choose to terminate her rights effective immediately or she could choose to retain a 7 day waiting period during which she could change her mind at any time. She elected to terminate her rights immediately.

Once she signed everything, Colleen gave all the forms to Judge Daltan and then Brenda had a few questions and Colleen discussed the birth father with the judge. We all had a good laugh over the fact that FedEx confirmed delivery and that the package was signed for by a 'receptionist' at the man's residence, which was presumed to be his wife. Everyone expected that Mister had a real bad day after that.

After Brenda agreed that everything looked to be in order, the judge agreed and signed off on everything. With his signature, both Tasha's and the birthfather's rights were immediately terminated and Leah was put into our custody legally for a period of one year. Colleen then explained to us that all this did was set the clock ticking for us to have our social worker visits and that in about 6 months, we would appear again before the circuit courts to have the custody arrangements made permanent. This gives the courts time to make sure we are not abusive or neglectful and that Leah will be fine under our care.

A new court date was set for April 27, 2010 (again, we will go to court long before this) and the judge wished us well and sent us out. We packed up Leah and headed out. When we got back to that stupid waiting area, the dams burst. Tasha stepped towards me, handed me Leah, and said, "Congratulations, Susan." I ignored the baby, wrapped my arms around Tasha and started to weep. Having now been a mom for 3 glorious weeks, I can appreciate the act of courage it took that wonderful young woman to do what she did. I honestly can't imagine doing it myself. I heard her say, "are you OK, Mike?" and I grabbed him and the three of us crowded around Leah, hugging and crying while Mom and Colleen looked on. What do you say when "Thank you" does not even begin to cover it? We told her how much we loved her, we thanked her a million times, and we just hugged her and all of us were crying. Finally we all got it together, and Colleen stepped forward and said it really was wonderful that we had such a fantastic relationship and how unusual it was.

And we thanked her of course for all of her hard work. Seriously, there is no way you can find a better attorney than her for an adoption. We had to go upstairs to get the official decrees from the clerk, and once they were there, we were ready to leave, custody order in hand! We knew Tasha wanted to get back to Maryland ASAP as her 2 year old was coming home and *drum roll* because she (Tasha) had gotten married last week and her new husband was missing her! So we all stopped at McDonald's for a quick lunch, and then Michael, Leah, Tasha, and I hauled butt up to Maryland. Once we got to Tasha's place we went in for a bit, fed and changed Leah (who still HATES being in the car) and then it was time to go. It was bittersweet, but I am sure we will see Tasha again, and I've already heard from her, so I didn't shed any tears at saying "See you later" (we didn't say good bye :-D).

Michael, Leah, and I rolled it on south and I decided to obey the letter if not the spirit of the law by taking my family of 3 onto the HOV lanes of 95. WOW WAS IT AWESOME! We rolled past all the traffic on 95 at 4pm and made it home before 5:00. I'm not traveling 95 without my hubby and my daughter ever again. YEAH BOYS!

So we were rolling up our street and I was thinking, "Those kids better have cut the lawn today!" and as we got close to the house, I started seeing the kids moving around the lawn and I was feeling good. But then I noticed something crazy was sitting in the yard, and I said, "What the hell?!" Michael was grinning ear to ear. I said, "Honey! Someone put a giant sign in our yard!" And then I nearly drove off the road and into our neighbor's yard. I was like, "AWWWW!" because the sign is just SO CUTE and Michael said, "yes, Amy Wells took care of that!" and I was like, "OH MY GOD! AMY!?" and I got all misty-eyed. And then I damned near drove past our driveway.

So once we were inside, my mom told me all about Amy's cousin coming up to the house and installing the sign, and apparently while she was here, our neighbor Jean came over to see the baby (surprise, we were in Maryland, poor thing has stopped by twice and no baby!) after seeing the sign go up. Mom handed me all the paperwork about the sign which I immediately read to see if I might be able to keep it, but there was a pick up date on the slip (Damn it!!!! I LOVE THE SIGN AND WANT TO STEAL IT :-D)

So once the kids were done with the front yard, I told my mom, "I want pictures with the sign!" I gathered up Leah and Michael and we went out front and took some pictures. I didn't even want to waste time putting my shoes on--out we went! I just stood admiring it for a long time.



Then we took our first family "portrait". I gave my mom a little artistic direction, she was getting all of us into the shots, so she'd take a picture and I'd say, "no, zoom it closer!" and she'd take another one, and I'd say, "No, zoom it closer!" until we got this:



Which I absolutely LOVE. :-)

That night to celebrate the fact that on Sunday, Leah's umbilical cord stump FINALLY fell off, we decided to give her her first bath. Wash off the dust of the past and start her with her new family squeaky clean. Um, yeah, she pretty much hates us now.



We got it all on videotape, which I loved. It was absolutely hilarious, the level of her outrage over that bath. When she's unhappy, the entire world knows she's unhappy. I can't wait to give her another one :-)

So that was our court day. Wednesday I went back to work alone to finish up what I could of my caseload and pack up my desk and head out. It felt so weird. But it also felt really, really good. I have been anxious for this day to come, and I know that I will see my co-workers again, so I can't get too gloomy about it. I arrived home to a beautiful flower arrangement from my wonderful in-laws. Don't you love the little duck planter?

Today my mom and I gathered supplies for our freezer cooking fun, she made spaghetti sauce, and we took Leah for a walk. I've noticed that Leah sleeps A LOT better when she gets a walk in the fresh air and she sleeps TERRIBLE when she doesn't, so I'm attempting to walk her every night unless the weather is not good. She more or less sleeps through the walks, which is fine, but her nighttimes are much more mom-friendly.

Speaking of which, I'm going to hit the hay while I can still get a couple of hours sleep! G'night all!

Maybe a Little Spoiled!

So if I had any doubts about how many of you are excited and already love this little boy, all worries were allayed in the past week. Between yesterday and the previous Monday, no fewer than 3 baby showers were held in our honor, two of which were total surprises. To begin to thank everyone would take FOREVER, but I'm going to do my darnedest.

Last Monday was book club. We were meeting at Elizabeth's house in Reston, which I have a bad history with (Reston, not her house!). The first time we ever had book club there, we got on the Dulles toll road and I allowed my sister to convince me that what we needed to do was get on the Dulles Access Road. We took a damned 30 minute detour and wound up at book club close to 45 minutes late. I don't do late. Late and I don't agree. Since that experience, nearly 5 years ago, I make damned sure to never take the Dulles Access Road unless I'm going to the airport and to leave early.

But my sister was feeling pokey that night. She took her time making the monkey bread she was bringing, getting Dottie changed and put together for her first time at book club, getting down to the car, etc. etc. etc. We finally got moving and got to Elizabeth's at about 7:20, and my sister says, "Don't you want to sit out here till you see someone go in like we always do?" Yes, ladies, we're just always that early that we arrive usually no later than 7:15 and then sit in the car so we don't look like total losers and are the first ones there--it's my code of book club ethics, but that's why you love me, right?!

So I said, "Oh fine, no problem" and we sat there for about 30 seconds before a fellow member drives up. So I said, "Well, Carrie's here! We can get going now!" and I hop out of the car and we roll into Elizabeth's, although Judy is fussing with Dottie's car seat and hanging back with Carrie, dragging her feet a little. I was like, "Oh, that's just Judy being her infuriatingly slow self again" and then I walked in and go to put my dish down on the table. Guess what!? There is a cake on the table that says, "Welcome, George Henry!" I was like, "What the heck?! This is strange." Then I turn to the living room, and there are several girls sitting around with a bunch of gifts on the coffee table. Surprise!!! It was a book party for George Henry! :-) So thanks to all his Lit Chicks auntie's, he's got lots of good reading to do, from Shel Silverstein to the Mr. Messy books to Goodnight Moon to some fun adoption themed books to a pajama dance to touchy feely books, you name it! I came right home and re-read all the cards and read all the books that night, and some of them made me just a little bit weepy, I'll be quite honest!

THANK YOU, LADIES!

Saturday marked my baby shower for friends in the area. I had selected the date with my sister, who got a bit busy with other things, some of my friends stepped in to take over, and then my sister stepped back in and the four of them managed to plan this magnificent party via email and telephone and Twitter! They didn't meet up in person once!

It was again at Elizabeth's Party Palace, and sadly the weather was drizzly and crappy, but the atmosphere was warm and welcoming. I read the Evite wrong, thinking the party started at 2:00, so I arrived at about 2:00 on the dot while the party in fact started at 3:00. Oops! In fact, I beat 2 of the 4 hostesses there, but I just sat in Elizabeth's living room, unwinding with her kitty cats and chatting from afar with the girls so none of their hard work and surprises would be spoiled. I was happy pappy when Judy arrived with my friend Joe. Joe and I have been friends for 15 years come this fall--we met at Manhattan College during a psychology class. We were paired up together for a project and he hadn't done his homework and sponged off me. Despite this, I kinda liked him, so we started hanging out and 15 years later, it's a beautiful thing.

The ladies put on a beautiful tea for me. There was a variety of delicious food, a wonderful assortment of teas, and so much fun. My sister made her famous chicken salad sandwiches, which is my favorite thing she cooks, and she put the chicken salad in little pastry shells--YUM! Melissa went hog wild at Wegman's and bought fruit tarts (my fave dessert!), appetizers, and the like and Jacalyn made cucumber sandwiches. Elizabeth introduced me to the joy of peach flavored tea, and it was so, so good!!!

There were some fun games, one of which I remembered from growing up in the North Country. This involved someone freezing little plastic babies into ice cubes and us seeing who could be the first one to get him out. Judy won by dipping hers in hot tea. We also played baby taboo, where if you said "Baby" you had to give up one of your diaper pins to whoever caught you saying it. I did well until I started opening presents. Then I lost it. Joe was the big winner!

The fun thing about the games was that all the prizes were baby gifts. Each had a little note attached and the winner signed it and gave it to me as an extra gift. I got little teethers and so forth, so it was great!

The girls also had advice for the mom to be cards and each guest took one and wrote some words of wisdom. They included:

Stay calm, ask for help, and enjoy! --Cecily
Let me know when you need cookies! Sugar always helps! And wine (for you--not for him) --Sarah
Call me anytime you need to talk with a fellow clueless first-timer! --Elizabeth
"Spare the rod and spoil the child." When you don't know, say: "Ask your fatha" When all else fails, VELCRO! --Joe
If you have any questions or need a break, call my big sister, she's great this thing. --Judy (my little sister)
Sleep when Jack is sleeping. Don't watch him sleep. Sleep! --Kris

We got so many lovely presents. Melissa and Judy both learned some new crochet techniques and gave me a hand-crocheted blanket each. Kris got us the Little People farm, which I remember the old school version growing up, as did the other girls so we all squealed about that. Joe didn't know he was coming till the day before, so he went to Safeway and got a Hello Kitty rectal thermometer--HILARIOUS, but I'll never use it. hehe We got more books, clothes, a bumbo, blankets, and Jacalyn made a gorgeous diaper cake full of cloth diapers, clothes, spoons, teethers and more!

I must mention Jacalyn's mom Ann's gift. She got us some little boxes and filled them with goodies, but suggested that what we should do is have a box on each floor of our house with some diapers, wipes, washclothes, etc. Because we have a split level and the baby's gear is upstairs and we'll spend most of our days downstairs, this will save me from running up and down to change him. This is a great idea and one I am definitely going to use!

However, I got home and the General helped me unload the car and I was showing him everything and showed him Ann's boxes. His response? "These are nice boxes! They are just the right size to pack brownies in for work." It's clear where my husband's priorities are! Ha!

You can see pictures at both Melissa's blog and Jacalyn's blog. Sorry, I was too busy to take any!!!

So yesterday was my office day, usually I am in my office in Fairfax on Mondays. I was not too happy about going in yesterday because B. had another doctor's appointment and asked me if I wanted to come, which I sure did! But my boss had scheduled a staff meeting for yesterday and I had to be there because it was a team meeting to discuss the transition into a life without Susan. So I went. Grudgingly. Armed with a 4 page report I'd spent hours compiling so that everyone would know who their clients were going to be and what they'd need to do with each client.

Ok, fine. So then I get an email when I get there, "Denise has a meeting in the conference room at 10:00, so our staff meeting will be pushed back to 11:00." And I was like, "So help me God, if they push this meeting back till 12:00, I am going to be so unhappy, I might have to scream." Because I went to the doctor with B. last week and I was back in the office at 12:30. Plus, I had been asked to do a big inservice yesterday and I had to cancel it in order to attend this staff meeting.

So around 10:45ish, my boss Tim walks into my office and says, "You got that report ready?" and I was like, "Yeah, it's right here" and I hand it to him. He says, "Well come on down to my office and we'll discuss it real quick before the meeting, and also there are a few other pieces of paperwork you need to fill out."

So I go on down there with him and we're sitting and gabbing and he's emailing me files for things I need to do like an exit interview and rattling off who I have to email things to and I'm just like, "Whatever, I am so over this" ha! So then he says, "Ok, hold on a sec, I forgot something out front, I'm just going to grab this other form." and he takes off. So I'm just sitting there like la de dah and then he comes streaking back in and says, "Ok, well it's time for the meeting, so c'mon and we'll finish this up after the meeting." Ok, so I follow him out to the conference room and still in a haze and he opens the door and everyone is sitting around the table, the room is decorated and everyone shouts, "Surprise!"

Well, honestly, I couldn't have been more surprised. In fact, I turned around to walk out. It literally didn't register what was going on. Tim stopped me and then I realized what was going on, and I said, "Oh my God!" and I smacked him one (fortunately he's good like that). There was a table full of food--Denise, my co-worker who had a baby a year ago had made piles of sandwiches and salads and dips and veggies, and there were chips and a beautiful "Congratulations, Susan!" cake. It was amazing. There was a table full of presents in the back and Denise caught everything on camera--she is going to give me a CD shortly. So there we were again, everyone sitting around watching me open presents!!! Tim read a poem he wrote in my honor (you can read it here) and it was also a going away party for me as I will be leaving my job on George Henry's birthday.

We got so much great gear for the baby, my friend Debbie is such a crafty one she made a beautiful bath time bucket out of a paint can and filled it with onesies and washclothes and bath goodies. Our office manager, Roxie, gave me a hat she had knit herself. Denise gave me a whole laundry basket full of diapers and wipes and good things like that, Kris gave me clothes for when he gets older (love that!) one of the mobility instructors and a counselor gave us a whole bag of Easter themed goodies and a lullaby CD. It was awesome. Plus they all chipped in for a good-bye gift to give me a gift certificate/Visa gift card, which I am stashing for a new mommy emergency run to Starbucks. I have plans for that Visa card.

Thank you, DBVI!!! I'm so lucky to have worked with such an awesome crew. It was bitter sweet, everyone kept saying, "What are we going to do without you for X, Y, or Z?" But I reminded them all that Jack's doctor is in Fairfax and I'll have nothing better to do than drive around aimlessly anyway, so I'll come visit often!

So I went out with Debbie last night and then driving home, I called the General and told him to be ready to flex his muscles--we got gear! We hauled in another round of goodies and at this point, it was looking like a desperate situation in our living room. It looked like a Baby Depot truck had pulled up, dumped its load, and driven off.

So today I spent some time putting things upstairs, washing all the clothes, and trying to get some things organized. We are hamstrung by our lack of a bureau and the closet doesn't have a clothes bar or shelves or anything. This weekend, Uncle Lucas is supposed to come help me get a dresser and put it together, and hopefully that will solve this problem.

You remember my beautiful baby ready nursery? I think someone called it "magazine gorgeous"?

Well, here's what it looks like today with all the gear loaded in.

Box of Bum Genius 3.0 diapers, ready to be washed and waiting for use!



Why have one carseat when you can have two?


He's got clothes, but nowhere to sleep!






This is my current organizational project! (See below for more details)

Ok, so the clothes in bags. My friend Mandy (you will remember her from the diaper cake) told me that she started putting her boys' clothes into ziploc bags, one outfit per bag. She said this makes it REALLY easy to grab an outfit and go, she can even send the boys or her husband to grab a clothing bag and they can be on their way in no time.

What really appeals to me about this is not only the speed and convenience of it, but that Michael will be able to pick out an outfit that's coordinated and dress Jack up and be ready to roll if need be. I'm trying it out and now have tons of hats and socks to include in the packages. Once we get him a dresser this weekend, I can put them in the drawers by size and we can recycle the bags as he outgrows things. I'm excited to see how this works!

Monday night, I should mention, I got home and Michael said we'd had a package delivered. So I took it and guess who it was from? My friend Julie in Georgia!! She and I met over 10 years ago when her parents and mine all decided to split up (they didn't know each other or anything, but it was at roughly the same time anyway). We've kept in touch all these years and she has a little guy of her own, Joey, who is 6, I think by now? and just so adorable he can't quit. So, she sent us a gift for Baby Kosior and guess what it was? A hand-crocheted afghan! In blue! Different than the other 2, totally gorgeous as well. This is absolutely wonderful, he's going to be the warmest baby on the block :-)

So we have some cleaning up to do! Our neighbor is going to install our shelves for us soon up on the wall and hopefully I can hire him to put in some shelves and a clothing bar in the closet. And that's it! Look for another post soon about my new projects for the nursery if it doesn't swallow me whole in the meantime!

Showers of Heartbeats

Yesterday I went with B. to the doctor for her regular check up. The doctor felt around and put a monitor on her and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat! :-) It was so exciting! I cried just a little bit. What a moment. Otherwise, she is doing fine. She has dilated maybe a fingertip, so not too much action there, but she is coming along. Hopefully he'll be here soon!

In other news, our friend Mandy came over on Saturday bearing a diaper cake!! She had a former nanny of hers make it for us, and it was coordinated to match our nursery. It has little frogs, spoons, teething toys, diapers, shampoo, everything! Absolutely adorable. Thanks, Mandy and family, the wonderful surprise!

I arrived at book club last night and the girls had a surprise shower for me there as well. Each of them gave us a book or two, and it was so fun to look through them. We got a couple of adoption themed books, and a bunch of tactile books (great for reading with Daddy!), and some old favorites like the Little Mister books and Goodnight Moon and Shel Silverstein. Thanks, ladies! Lit Chicks are the best girls in the world :-)

It's an exciting time. My sister and three friends are throwing a shower for me this Saturday, and I think on Sunday, Michael and I will do some shopping for baby too. It will be nice to get him some things from his parents.

I guess that's about all! Things are slowly but surely moving along. I'm sure he'll be here before we know it.