Baby News and Money Info

Today was B's test to see if she was developing pre-eclampsia. Part of the testing was to do a sonogram/ultrasound and see that the baby was fine. The tech asked us if we knew what the baby was. We responded that it was a boy. The tech asked if we wanted her to make sure. We said, "Yes!" (B. and I are starting to think like one mind! Scary!)

The tech did some poking around with the wand and said, "I don't think this is a boy." I looked at B. and she looked at me. We were both bug-eyed, mouths hanging open, shocked. So the tech said, "Ok, well, we'll come back to that in a bit, let's do these other tests." I kept thinking, "Oh my God, it's a girl, oh my God, my dad is going to have a heart attack, oh my God, what are we going to name her?"

A few minutes later, the tech went back to baby's bum and started moving the wand around again. She said, "I don't see any boy parts, but I'm pretty sure these are girl parts" and started pointing them out. We were like, "No! Seriously!?" So the tech said, "I could be wrong, would you like a second opinion? But I'm telling you, I'd be willing to put money on it." Yes, we wanted a second opinion! So another tech came in, and did some poking around and said, "This is most definitely a girl."

Um, gulp! SURPRISE! :-) Thank God we did a neutral nursery is all I can say. I called Mike from the lobby of the hospital and he was just fine with the news, as of course was I. Then I called my sister and gave her the news while Mike called his parents. I called my mom and emailed my dad and brother-in-law and Mike called his sister. Then we had to come up with a name...

Over the phone from my office when I got back to work, we decided on Leah Katherine. I've always liked the name Leah and Katherine is a family name on my side of the family (and is my middle name!). So, surprise! We're having a girl.

B. has to go back to the doctor on Thursday for further monitoring and has another appointment on Friday with her regular clinic doctor. I'm hopeful that they will induce her on Thursday, as I am worried for her health. She is VERY swollen and her blood pressure is high, proteins are creeping into her urine, all signs of pre-eclampsia. However, they're putting it off another couple of days. Fingers crossed, she and Baby Leah will be fine and dandy and hang in there another couple of days. The sonogram picture here was taken today while B. and I had our mouths hanging open.

And in other great news, B. has gotten engaged! Her best friend of many years popped the question over the weekend. She's made that she's all swollen because she can't wear her new sparkly engagement ring. Another reason to have this baby!

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Someone made some comments to family members recently about the fact that we have a donation button on our blog here. While we appreciate the concern about the state of our finances, we're doing just fine. However, since this appears to be something people are concerned about, Mike and I figured we would deal with it head on.

It is tremendously, ridiculously expensive to adopt a newborn baby. While some friends and family members have commented that they are sure their pregnancies cost as much, our response is, "Yes, but your insurance paid the majority of the bills associated with your having a baby."

We do not have this luxury. To date, the Adoption Fairy has not dropped a fat check in our laps and told us to build a family for free. There is no adoption insurance, just in case you can't get pregnant. Additionally, adoptive mothers don't get short term disability payments after the birth--they get 12 weeks unpaid time off, period.

This is what we have paid to date:

$2,100 home study
$9,200 attorney fees
$16,000 agency fees
$1,040 birthmother expenses (estimated $520-$1040 still to be paid)

This does not include postage, copying, gas, mileage, phone calls, and meals. And it is to say nothing of the costs of preparing for a baby--bottles, formula, diapers, clothes, furniture, etc. We were so lucky to have people come to our rescue with showers and hand-me-downs and we've done a lot of bargain shopping, but when you start out $30,000 behind the eight ball, you've got some catching up to do.

We were tremendously lucky to receive a loan from a family member that covered approximately 2/3 the cost of the adoption. We have had to pay the rest ourselves. We covered what we could from our savings and fundraising efforts, charged the rest to credit cards, and paid everything off with this year's tax return.

To date, between the donation button, the Pampered Chef fundraiser, and a yard sale, our fundraising efforts have generated approximately $700, not enough to cover one single category of the above expenses.

Despite the fact that we both have great jobs, neither one of our employers offers adoption assistance. We have a mortgage, car payment, and student loan payments, as well as the regular expenses of living--food, utilities, gas, insurance, etc. Don't misunderstand, we are able to cover all of this with our regular paychecks. We have ZERO credit card debt. We have lived throughout our marriage that if we want something, we either have the money to buy it or we wait until we do. We learned to economize when Mike lost his job 6 years ago and have put those principles into action. You all know us. While our friends have taken fabulous vacations to Europe, the Caribbean, and the Pacific, we've visited friends in Georgia and Kentucky and taken treks to Myrtle Beach.

However, I am about to leave my job and we did need to be sure to put at least a bit of money aside "just in case". And we have done so. And in today's economy, that says something, that after paying off the above expenses on top of everything else, we can still put some money aside "just in case". Apart from pushing the heck out of the Pampered Chef fundraiser, we have not asked anyone for money. We put the button/link on the page in case anyone cared to donate some money to the cause. Several people have, and for that we are TRULY grateful--every little bit has helped beyond measure. And we have gotten away "cheap" because we didn't care a whit about the baby's skin color and because we won't have to pay for our travel or lodging once the baby is born (lest you think we're kidding, many of the leads we've gotten on babies have had agency fees upwards of $35,000 and the kids are being born to drug addicts and the mentally ill, and that $35,000 doesn't cover travel, birthmom expenses, or legal fees in many cases.). In today's economy it is not possible to drop $30,000 without feeling a pinch.

This is why there is a donation button on the page. If you do not wish to donate, feel free to ignore it. If you care to discuss this any further, please contact us directly. You can email me at s u s a n k ( a t ) m k o s i o r ( d o t ) c o m or Mike at m i k e ( a t ) m k o s i o r ( d o t ) c o m. Kindly share your concerns directly with us, versus members of our families or friends.

Ups and Downs!

The visit on Saturday went fantastically! We met B. and her daughter at the Cheesecake Factory at the Inner Harbor and from the start it was great. I gave her a great big hug, and the baby started kicking! Unbelievable! We gave the little one a big teddy bear, and she and I were instantly inseparable--every time I'd put her down, she'd start crying. By the time the visit was over, she'd drunk half my Diet Coke and I was covered in ketchup, but what a blast.

B. invited me to attend her next doctor's appointment on Monday, so hopefully if they do an ultrasound or sonogram, I'll be able to actually see the little dude myself. We got home Saturday night and she called to say she was having some contractions, so we wondered if we were going to have to turn around and go back up there. It was a total panic zone here for about an hour--trying to collapse the portable crib, wash laundry, make a phone list, etc. It's gotten us to thinking that we need a better plan than running around trying to throw things in bags, so last night we started preparing for our trip--got the laptop up and running, made a phone list, and I'm starting a list of things we need to pack up so that we can grab and go when the time comes.

This morning we got word that we were NOT approved for a Gift of Adoption grant due to our income being plenty fine to cover our fees. Oh really? I'd like to know how they figured that out. That's what I hate about financials on paper--they really don't give you a picture of how people manage. Not saying we're in dire straits, but we're not rolling in it either. The whole point of Gift of Adoption grants is to not look at people's income, but to give people that little boost they need to get over the last hurdle to the adoption. *Sigh* Oh well. We'll be fine, I'm sure. Especially now that we have someplace free to stay. That's going to be a big help indeed.

Abby's called us on Sunday to get our impression of the visit and of course we were thrilled with it and apparently B. was too and mentioned to Abby's how much her little girl had loved spending time with me. So that's good. Always up. :-)

That's all the news from here so far.

More Odds & Ends

Well, the Pampered Chef show invites went out. If you didn't get an email, it means I don't have your email address. If you'd like to come to the party next Monday night in Alexandria, we'd love to have you! If you can't but would like to order, you can visit http://www.pamperedchef.biz/angie?page=product-order-guest-login&showId=1936956 and buy something. We get 30% of the sales, which is pretty good. We've only had 2 orders so far, but we've already earned $27. Thanks book club gals Cecily and Kate!

We've also started an Ebay account for the adoption. Michael has some computer gear that he wants to sell and I have some autographed books that I could get rid of. We'll be going through the house and hopefully coming up with some things that we can sell off that we don't want/need any more. I may try selling a few of my pictures too. It's a pretty cheap project, but could potentially make some money from photography lovers in Ebay-land.

That's about it, really. We've paid our Virginia attorney's fees and part of the birthmom's attorney's fees, and still have plenty of money to get by. We are anxiously awaiting our tax documents, because then we will be able to breathe a bit easier--we need that return! :-)

And everyone's been so helpful with the lodging situation. We found one posting on Craigslist Detroit for a woman who rents out her guest house for $40 per month. We are going to try calling her for more information. Lauren is on the quest with a friend of hers who works for a chain. My former boss is from Michigan and is checking with family and friends to see if they might know of someplace we could stay cheap.

We have a checklist from the Michigan attorney of paperwork we need to get in order, so we are busy finding all that. February 16th is "Nursery Day". We will be putting down the carpet tile, building the crib, hanging shelves, and hopefully putting the closet together. So much to do, and so much excitement in doing it. And then we will get to take a mini vacation courtesy of the Talmadge Glecks, NettieMacs and Mamorys in order to get a little down time/Mike and Susan and friends time before the real insanity hits.

Thanks to all who have been so generous and helpful with money, time, advice, connections, and affection. It's amazing the people who the people you know know. Ya know?

It's Been Kinda Slow, But Some Tidbits

There isn't too much big news to report on the baby front. We've been doing little things that will add up to big things, but nothing major at the same time.

Our physicals have been done by our doctor. He wrote on my form, "Will make a GREAT parent!" which is encouraging from a doctor :-) He also gave Michael high marks, so that made us both feel very good.

Michael's fingerprints bounced back from the FBI, which has now happened twice--once for work and once for the adoption. We went to the police station to get him re-printed and the trooper on duty demanded to know if Michael had even read the paperwork that came back with the bounce back notice. I was like, "Um, obviously not" since Michael had his cane with him, and I guess the guy kind of thought I was being a pain in the ass because he wanted to know if Michael had any prior arrests. When he finally let us in the back room, I think he was a little stunned to see the full white cane and he apologized for being rude. Michael and I just laughed a little. Frankly, his "rudeness" was minor compared to some we've encountered, and he was just trying to do his job. So no hard feelings. The trooper actually turned out to be a very nice guy. (I almost wrote "nice young man" but that makes me sound a little geriatric, don't you think?)

Our family profile is nearly done. I have to take some pictures of our house, but in order to do that, I actually have to clean our house first. So that will be tomorrow evening's project--cleaning and picture taking. It's been really cool here, so I might even start a fire in the fireplace, which I think would look pretty in pictures. We'll have to see. If I do that, I can't highlight my photography wall in that room, so I have to make the tough choices! Otherwise, the profile looks amazing and I am thrilled with how it came out. For someone who has never scrapbooked before, it was a damned good effort--and kind of gives me hope that I can scrapbook in the future.

We had a little fundraising yard sale over the weekend. Two adoptive families stopped by--one guy with his daughter from Guatemala who was GORGEOUS and one woman who adopted one daughter from China and has a special needs child in China waiting for the final paperwork to come through so they can bring her home. They didn't want to buy much, but they both gave us very generous donations. They also gave me and Michael a lot of hope about the waiting process and showed us just how worth it this all will be. We made just about $200, so that was great, and donated all the leavings to the Salvation Army for a nice little tax write off, so even better. :-)

Saturday evening, I went baby registering with Judy and Lucas at Target--little Dottie is coming in less than 2 months now, hopefully! Since there wasn't much else to do, I created a registry for us as well, although I felt a little funny doing it. I had fiddled with it on line a lot, but there's something about actually going and doing the registry that feels a little "gimme"-ish. I think I will probably use it more as a checklist for things that Michael and I need to purchase than anything else. It was a lot of fun to run around with the gun, however, and Lucas and I played a bit of laser tag in the aisles at Super Target, which was great.

Also, I don't know if anyone from the state workforce is reading this and looking for a charity to donate to during the CVC campaign, but our adoption agency, Jewish Family Services, is one of the listed charities in the pile this year. So if you want to support the agency that is supporting us, please list them as your CVC beneficiary.

On the "how we're going to raise this kid" front, I've come to the decision to try cloth diapering. I was cloth diapered as a baby because I had a lot of skin allergies to disposables--although I won't be passing along my allergies to our child, obviously. However, it seems the responsible thing to do in this age of the greening up of society, and I figure I can learn. I need to find out what type of cloth diapers are good to use and how to handle diapering on the go. Otherwise, that's the plan.

We've started getting leads from our attorney--she has us on her mailing list and we get little blurbs from people around the country who know of people with infants who will be up for adoption. I'm excited that once our homestudy is approved and I finalize our profile and get that copied and bound, we'll have some good opportunities to send it around and maybe find ourselves a baby!

Let's see...

I really, really appreciate the sentiment, everyone. I don't know how to say this exactly and not sound like a total witch, but here goes...

Yes, a small minority of adoptive parents do manage to become pregnant after deciding to adopt. I have heard stories--heck, I'm guilty of saying that to people who were adopting! With that in mind, Michael and I continued to take zero precautions after hearing the news of our infertility back in May. It is now September. And this morning, I asked my doctor for birth control pills. I'm going on Seasonale, which gives you only 4 cycles per year--for which I am extremely grateful. The regular cycles are a disappointing reminder to both of us that things didn't pan out like we had planned, and I feel so much better knowing that we won't have those little monthly reminders in our face. If I continued to think, "Well, the doctors could be all wrong" or "stranger things have happened" or "now that the pressure's off, I'll get pregnant", then Michael and I will have to continue living through the hell of emotions that our infertility has caused, all the pain that we've endured the last 6+ years. He and I have made peace with the news that we will not conceive biologically, and we are moving on with our lives. The pills will help regulate and diminish the cycles, and we won't have to worry about the emotions that come up month after month, despite knowing that it isn't likely to happen. My cycle was irregular and uncomfortable and I take great comfort in knowing from here on out when it will happen and being in control of the situation. So no, we will not miraculously conceive after being told we can't. Thanks for the sentiment, but we've heard all of that we can for right now.

Ok, back to happier topics. I've been Brailling some children's books with a client of mine and I was in Borders the other day and I found a really cool book that I can't wait for Michael to read with our little one. It is a scratch and sniff book!! How cool is that?! It has all different kinds of fruit and each page smells like one of them. Remember those scratch and sniff stickers? This book smells exactly like them! Peach, orange, pineapple, lemon, strawberry. It's amazing. So I'm going to Braille the hell out of that sucker.

Ok, that's about it from here for this week. Hopefully I'll have news for you all soon!

Yard Sale

This Saturday is our first attempt at holding a yard sale since moving here. We are attempting to raise some much needed capital for the adoption fees. I don't know how the hell we're going to get it all set up--we have a bunch of junk already and no real tables or anything to put stuff on. Judy and Lucas will be coming down to help out with it, but if anyone else is free on Saturday and wants to take pity on me, please feel free to drop over :) And also if you have any "stuff" you want to get rid of and don't mind donating, please let me know. You can either bring it over or I can try to pick it up tomorrow or Wednesday. I'll be in Fairfax tomorrow and Wednesday mornings and in Fredericksburg tomorrow and Wednesday evenings. Thursday evening I am committed to picking up a futon and mattress from Judy and Lucas's place, thus signaling the end of my Sunday stayovers, as "my" bed is up for sale on Saturday and I'll have nowhere to sleep over there. The end of an era... Sad, but happy...

Anyway, anything we don't sell will be offered on Freecycle first and then we'll donate whatever's left to the local Hospice thrift store. So your goodies and mine will all go to a great cause regardless of what happens to it!

The sale is Saturday from 9:00AM till ???

(X-Posted to BRB blog)