Dad's Learning Curve

This weekend Michael has taken a really active role in learning how to care for Leah. We've been debating Leah coming with me Monday to book club, which Michael is in favor of because he is nervous about changing diapers. I would like to go to book club free and clear, without worrying about packing up Leah and her gear, but I suspect I might lose out on this debate this month. But I don't mind so much.

However, having waited so long for Leah it is hard to let go and let Dad have some needed Dad time! I admit it. I hate putting her down on the floor to play, I hate letting other people hold her, I just want to love her up for a while.

But this weekend, we decided Dad was going to be more in charge. He's learning how to change diapers, first and foremost, and he's doing a great job. It's a definite challenge when you can't see what you're doing, so we're starting off easy on the not-so-messy diapers and he'll graduate eventually. Tomorrow (Sunday) we'll transfer to the cloth diapers, which should be interesting and a whole new ballgame. I'm nervous about it, but since we have lots of disposables left, we're going to use them for "on the go" diapers and stick to cloth at home. I'm excited to see how it goes. The cloth ones are washed and assembled, ready to roll.

Tonight Michael is also going to try soothing her and putting her to bed. So far it's been tough--she's a little cranky tonight, but it's also early, she usually goes to bed around 10:30. He enjoys rocking and cuddling her, so I'm sure she'll settle down eventually and let him put her to bed.

Tomorrow he'll also work on getting a bottle ready. And once that's done, I'll be able to leave them together with full confidence. Which I intend to do for at least an hour tomorrow to clean out my state vehicle.

It's fun watching them bond together and makes it easier to let go just a little bit. She's a real daddy's girl. My mom is leaving tomorrow so having him feel more confident about helping will be a big boost to me too!

Two And a Half Weeks!?

This week has been such a whirlwind, I don't know how it happened that Leah is now 16 days old and growing like crazy! According to our baby scale, she tops eight pounds now. Considering the doctor was concerned that she wasn't gaining any weight, and considering the diaper messes, I'd say we have a bit less to worry about now.

She's had a good week. She is much more alert this week, smiles a lot more, looks around a lot more, and is awake a lot more. We discovered that while she continues to hate riding in the car and in her little chair that rocks, we loves the baby swing and the stroller. We've walked the block every day and she always enjoys falling asleep in the fading sunlight and getting some fresh air.

She also had her first "play date" at Chick-Fil-A this week, where we joined Manda and Cindy and their little ones for lunch, along with a friend, Wendy. Free food is always good, and Chick Fil A has free entrees on Thursdays here. I hope to continue enjoying that! We got good suggestions about things we should try, like a baby sling versus a Moby Wrap--I'd been considering getting a Moby Wrap, but Manda assures me they are HOT. So now I'm reconsidering.

Last night, Leah had an awesome night. She got up every 2 hours like clockwork, but she ate and promptly went right back to sleep. She slept like that from midnight till about 9am, and slept in her own bed too. Consequently, Mom slept a lot better too. I hope the trend continues.

This afternoon, I felt like an axe murderer when I changed her and cleaned out her umbilical cord (yes, the freakin' thing is STILL attached--they way they cut it so close, it's all but impossible to clean and get the alcohol in there, I cannot wait till it falls off!), and she was screaming like I was murdering her. I wound up spilling half a bottle of alcohol all over the dresser and she peed all over everything to show how royally infuriated she was. Never mind that in addition to all that, Huggies diapers apparently SUCK and when she had a MAJOR diaper filling incident, that too leaked everywhere, including up into the umbilical cord area and all over her clothing. It was not a fun mess to clean up, and her screaming the whole time and Michael demanding that she calm down just put me over the edge. I handed her to him, he went downstairs, and the two of them spent 3 hours together while I cried and slept it off. (Sorry, Elizabeth, that I disappeared on our AOL chat this afternoon, but that's what happened!)

Still, all I have to do is look at her and I just melt. I really can't put into words how much I love this little gal and how much she filled a big hole in my heart. Once Tuesday comes and goes, and with it our court date, I am going to heave a big sigh of relief and be ready to throw the biggest celebration ever. I am hopeful that B. will sign away her rights with finality (she can hold onto a 7 day waiting period on Tuesday, or she can just agree to be done with the whole thing and waive her 7 days) on Tuesday and then except for the formality of 2 social worker visits and a final court date in the fall, we are done.

So that's what's new from here. I'm glad my mom arrives tomorrow. I know I've managed basically on my own for the last 2 weeks, but it'll be nice to have back up. Then we will have a week alone and then my mother-in-law and father-in-law will arrive, which will also be so helpful. And then another week and Uncle Mike and Auntie Lesley arrive. May is going to be an awesome month. Lots of company, lots of lovin', lots of help! I might even be able to tame my yard at some point. :-)

Finding Out

One of the most dreaded things to happen when we've been on this journey is when people ask us a question about how we will approach a certain issue, we explain our position, and they say, "Oh, you'll find out in a heartbeat that you're dead wrong!"

And then they chuckle at us like we're a couple of knuckleheads who know nothing about raising children.

Two of the "Oh, you'll find out!" issues to hit us have been the issues of co-sleeping and pacifiers. When we've said we're not co-sleeping and we're not using pacifiers, people have laughed at us. But Leah has been home for nearly 2 weeks, and while we've backtracked halfway on pacifiers, I'm proud to report that she sleeps in her room every night and she seems to love us anyway.

How did we backtrack halfway on pacifiers? Well, it seems the little suckers actually help her fall asleep. They gave her one in the hospital, and B. was a big proponent of the thing, and so she got used to having one in her mouth. So at night when we're putting her to bed, we let her suck on a pacifier till she falls asleep. The big issue I have with it is that when she starts to relax and it falls out of her mouth, she starts screaming and freaking out because she doesn't have it in her mouth. So we are trading in a few moments peace for more upset because she has frustration that she can't keep the thing in her mouth. However, a few other people have also pointed out it's easier to break them of a pacifier than it is of them sucking their thumbs, which she has shown a perfect willingness to do if not given her pacifier. So, at night, we give it to her. During the day, we are able to soothe her and quiet her, and she's fine.

As for co-sleeping, it was harder in Maryland and I was really hard on myself. While we were staying there, there was nowhere to really put her if she got upset. The crib was in our room, and there was literally her crib and our bed. Tom hasn't gotten much furniture yet, so there was no place to go sit with her if she got upset. Consequently, I would pick her up to feed her and we'd wind up sitting on the bed. And then, yes, I know, call the mommy police, we were so tired those first couple of days, I'd fall asleep holding her.

Coming home has been much easier. We have the rocking chair where I can hold her and rock her till she falls back to sleep. Sometimes she doesn't want to go back in her bed and I'll think she's asleep and she wakes right back up and wants to be held. What I have discovered thus far is that if I get a nap in the afternoon, it helps me to be able to better handle whatever situation arises at 3AM. Two days ago, I foolishly did not take a nap. Consequently, after 2 hours of rocking, crying, diaper change, feeding, and screaming, I couldn't do it any more. I caved and we went to bed. Last night, because I had taken a nap in the afternoon for a couple of hours while she napped, everything went much more smoothly.

It's still early days, and I'm sure I'll be learning more and more. She's on a schedule of her own making--she is generally awake from 2-5AM and then sleeps till around 11:00. I've got a system worked out with the bottles so I'm not running up and down the stairs a million times, which is also helpful, and we mainly spend our days upstairs, just because it's easier having all the gear necessary for changing her in one spot.

I am enjoying this experience a whole lot more than I thought possible, and just love this little lady with every fiber of my being. Physically I feel a lot better than I expected I would--there's only been one day I was so dog tired I couldn't function, and fortunately it was a day my dad was here and let me sleep. That morning, my breakfast consisted of a full test Mountain Dew. Now I'm back on track. Tonight we make our final pilgrimage to Maryland for her doctor's appointment in the morning, and then I think we're in business except for the court date and attendant trips to pick up B and bring her home afterwards.

I really was nervous that I wasn't going to be able to handle it, but having plans and being organized in advance has been a total lifesaver. Having help from family has been a huge help--can't wait till my mom gets here Saturday, and it was so great that my sister came to stay last night so Michael and I could have our anniversary dinner together and a little quiet time. And of course, where would I be without Michael himself? He reassures me that I'm making good decisions, makes good decisions of his own on Leah's behalf, and we are most definitely on the same page with all of this. Teamwork! Yes!