One of the most dreaded things to happen when we've been on this journey is when people ask us a question about how we will approach a certain issue, we explain our position, and they say, "Oh, you'll find out in a heartbeat that you're dead wrong!"
And then they chuckle at us like we're a couple of knuckleheads who know nothing about raising children.
Two of the "Oh, you'll find out!" issues to hit us have been the issues of co-sleeping and pacifiers. When we've said we're not co-sleeping and we're not using pacifiers, people have laughed at us. But Leah has been home for nearly 2 weeks, and while we've backtracked halfway on pacifiers, I'm proud to report that she sleeps in her room every night and she seems to love us anyway.
How did we backtrack halfway on pacifiers? Well, it seems the little suckers actually help her fall asleep. They gave her one in the hospital, and B. was a big proponent of the thing, and so she got used to having one in her mouth. So at night when we're putting her to bed, we let her suck on a pacifier till she falls asleep. The big issue I have with it is that when she starts to relax and it falls out of her mouth, she starts screaming and freaking out because she doesn't have it in her mouth. So we are trading in a few moments peace for more upset because she has frustration that she can't keep the thing in her mouth. However, a few other people have also pointed out it's easier to break them of a pacifier than it is of them sucking their thumbs, which she has shown a perfect willingness to do if not given her pacifier. So, at night, we give it to her. During the day, we are able to soothe her and quiet her, and she's fine.
As for co-sleeping, it was harder in Maryland and I was really hard on myself. While we were staying there, there was nowhere to really put her if she got upset. The crib was in our room, and there was literally her crib and our bed. Tom hasn't gotten much furniture yet, so there was no place to go sit with her if she got upset. Consequently, I would pick her up to feed her and we'd wind up sitting on the bed. And then, yes, I know, call the mommy police, we were so tired those first couple of days, I'd fall asleep holding her.
Coming home has been much easier. We have the rocking chair where I can hold her and rock her till she falls back to sleep. Sometimes she doesn't want to go back in her bed and I'll think she's asleep and she wakes right back up and wants to be held. What I have discovered thus far is that if I get a nap in the afternoon, it helps me to be able to better handle whatever situation arises at 3AM. Two days ago, I foolishly did not take a nap. Consequently, after 2 hours of rocking, crying, diaper change, feeding, and screaming, I couldn't do it any more. I caved and we went to bed. Last night, because I had taken a nap in the afternoon for a couple of hours while she napped, everything went much more smoothly.
It's still early days, and I'm sure I'll be learning more and more. She's on a schedule of her own making--she is generally awake from 2-5AM and then sleeps till around 11:00. I've got a system worked out with the bottles so I'm not running up and down the stairs a million times, which is also helpful, and we mainly spend our days upstairs, just because it's easier having all the gear necessary for changing her in one spot.
I am enjoying this experience a whole lot more than I thought possible, and just love this little lady with every fiber of my being. Physically I feel a lot better than I expected I would--there's only been one day I was so dog tired I couldn't function, and fortunately it was a day my dad was here and let me sleep. That morning, my breakfast consisted of a full test Mountain Dew. Now I'm back on track. Tonight we make our final pilgrimage to Maryland for her doctor's appointment in the morning, and then I think we're in business except for the court date and attendant trips to pick up B and bring her home afterwards.
I really was nervous that I wasn't going to be able to handle it, but having plans and being organized in advance has been a total lifesaver. Having help from family has been a huge help--can't wait till my mom gets here Saturday, and it was so great that my sister came to stay last night so Michael and I could have our anniversary dinner together and a little quiet time. And of course, where would I be without Michael himself? He reassures me that I'm making good decisions, makes good decisions of his own on Leah's behalf, and we are most definitely on the same page with all of this. Teamwork! Yes!
12 years ago
4 comments:
You learn as you go. That's really the only advice I can give. I learned long ago never to make "Well, Alex will never..." statements. Because I broke every single one of them. Haha.
Find a cute basket, and make yourself a little diaper basket for downstairs. Diapers, wipes, diaper cream, and a blanket to lay her on to change her. I also have a multi-level house, and this was so helpful in not having to go up and down stairs all day - or being stuck on one floor.
Do you have a boppy? Even though you aren't breastfeeding, it can be useful. You can lay her on it on the couch or floor - and it's helpful for tummy time as well. Or, you can wear it like you were breastfeeding and she'll lay on it. I can't tell you the number of nights I'd be feeding Alex, and I'd wake up an hour later and we were in the same position.
Susan,
Win and I have three children and we did things different with each child. Each child is different and having different coping abilities. Our oldest needed a pacifier to fall alseep and then at about 8 months, he didn't want it any longer. Our second son had his until he was 2 but I told him when he lost them or they broke there would be no more and he was fine with all that. Our daughter was and is another story. She is 9 now and would still take one if I let her. She gave hers up at 3, on her birthday.
Babies have a need to suck. They need to suck on something. A pacifier is good because it won't hurt their mouths.
Those are my thoughts on pacifiers. You and the General do what is best for your daughter and for your family.
One thing I learned about sleeping babies that you might find helpful. I always had a small light bulb (15w) bulb in their lamps in their rooms. That way in the night when they awoke and I needed the light it didn't wake them up too much. This worked great for us.
And if you can, try putting Leah to bed awake. Let her fall asleep on her own. This will help in the future. And with a little reassurance from you (going in every 5 minutes and patting her) she will fall asleep on her own. I found this true with all three of my children.
OK - I will stop now. I might have said too much. If so, please forgive me.
Remember there is really nothing you can do wrong to Leah. Love, feed and cloth and she will be fine. You are doing a great job, I can tell from all way down here in Alabama.
I always have 3 cents and here are 2 of them. I have a bassinet. You can even borrow it. It isn't cosleeping, but she's still in the room with you. I just assumed all babies slept in bassinets until they outgrew them and then went to their own cribs. Honestly, Leah is the first newborn I know that's slept in a crib. Nothing wrong with it, I guess I'm just not understanding. Having a bassinet in your room saves you the trip to her room to change her diaper. I know you can hear her on the monitor, but the sooner you tend to those wet dipes, the less worked up she gets and easier it is to get back to sleep. Willa is a thumb sucker and I know one day- it will be a big pain. But Alex chews his nails, so Cindy will have a similar issue :) Pacifiers are easily ditched in a few months. Babies suck (ha).
Being a parent is about one thing- flexibility- well, two things really- compromise. The baby is in charge, so it's you that will be doing the compromising. As a new parent, you think- I know I did that if I do x this will lead to y and z. Before Willa was born, I came across a Bible verse Isaiah 28:9-10 that led me to change my ideas. According to this passage, I work on training my children when they wean so I "spoil them rotten" as it were. Any training done before this time- I came to see- was a waste of time. When people said it's impossible to spoil a baby, I didn't believe them. Now, as a parent, I know it's true. The first few months are about keeping all happy, bonding, establishing patters, schedules, and getting to know one another.
Beth hit it right on the head. Love her, which you obviously do, and all will be well. We're a society of helicopter moms, we have to be perfect, or we've failed- or society wants us to think. I know you'll hear it a million times- so here's one more. Enjoy her. Every second you second guess yourself could be better spent.
PS. Did you know that the term parenting is a relatively new one? It didn't come about until white male pediatricians in the 50's and 60's started to tell mothers how they might better raise their children, and eventually wrote books. And- of course- mothers lapped it up. "Parenting" has never recovered this usurp of authority.
Re: mommy police. Willa slept with my until she stopped nursing at night. I'd still let her sleep with me, but she prefers her crib. That's right- it's HER choice to sleep in her crib. Some nights I go get her and bring her into bed with me and she whimpers until I put her back in her crib. Where she sleeps isn't as big of deal as THAT she sleeps. Anyway- once they outgrow their crib and can climb over baby gates- they end up in bed with you regardless.
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